Beyond forgiveness
Listening to the voice of my darkness
I have written quite a few articles on forgiveness. And my bestie considers, one of my best articles is on forgiveness. Yes, it is much more difficult to live forgiveness. Writing is easier. Probably that man who lived it so well didn’t write anything on it. Or didn’t need anything written; he lived it. His life was the writing.
Now let’s take a specific example. Ann and Jude have a good relationship. (The example is equally applicable to friends couples, parents-children etc). Their friendship lasted for a long time; they had their ups and downs. There were four incidents in their relationship where one had done something terribly wrong. Two of the times, it was Ann; it was Jude, the other times. They really struggled to forgive the other person. Yes, those incidents were forgiven (though not erased from memories). Or they are part of the forgiven memories.
Now they had a fight the other day; it was the mistake of Ann. And immediately their arguments started by Jude was focused on blaming Ann for this mistake; and he also connected with the previous forgiven incidents. When Jude was on offensive, Ann also became offensive and she brought the blame of Jude’s past faults. Interestingly there was one mistake by Ann here; but it brought memories of 4 past mistakes. Finally they worked on it and the issue was settled. Forgiveness was granted.
And in another incident, Jude did something terrible. Ann was so upset and she got into her style of arguments. It is always by blaming herself, and putting herself down. Interestingly Jude too got defensive, and he started blaming himself for his past errors. Instead of blaming the others, here the point of interest is blaming the self. Finally they worked on it, issue was settled and forgiveness was granted.
I happened to hear this beautiful Taizé hymn yesterday, and probably it rings a bell.
Jésus le Christ, lumière intérieure, ne laisse pas mes ténèbres me parler. Jésus le Christ, lumière intérieure, donne-moi d’accueillir ton amour
Jesus Christ, inner light, do not let my darkness speak to me. Jesus Christ, inner light, enable me to welcome your love.
Even though forgiveness is given and since forgetting is impossible (or healing is not absolute), there are moments when our darkness speak to us. It remembers the past (even the forgiven ones) and start a game of blame. It can be on the other person (style of Jude) or on self (style of Anna).
Advent can be a season to remind us of this dimension within each one of us. And we have to be very careful not to led by our own darkness, but to be guided by that inner light of Jesus which is merciful and loving.
Forgiving is difficult. But reminding ourselves of the forgiveness already granted or received (and not to care about the accusation of darkness) is also difficult.
Forgiveness given or received is not a footnote of the article. It is the title and the body.
